Relationships as a mirror: Discover what they teach you about yourself

In our relationships, we find not only connection, but also a mirror that helps us look deeper into ourselves. Every interaction, every connection we make, reveals something about who we are, what touches us and where we can grow. Ruby Pouwels, psychologist and future systems therapist at Oh My Mood, sees daily how relationships act as a mirror, confronting us with our joys as well as our challenges. As she aptly puts it, “It is precisely in our relationships that we experience the greatest happiness, but also the deepest struggles.” Today Ruby shares her perspective on the hidden power of relationships in personal growth and resilience.

The fascination with human interaction

Ruby’s interest in people began at an early age. She says, “I always found it interesting as a little girl: what is more fascinating than people? But as I got older, I discovered: it’s not just about humans themselves, but rather what happens between people.” For Ruby, relationships are not just interactions; they are ways in which we get to know ourselves, and furthermore, connection is a basic need of every human being.
An anecdote she shares nicely captures how this manifested itself early on. Ruby recalls what her grandmother once told her, “When I came to pick you up in the schoolyard, you would regularly stand among a group of kids where there was a fight.” This memory highlights how Ruby’s need to create harmony and connection was present at an early age. “Apparently, mediating and connecting is something I picked up very early in life,” she says.

Finding resilience through support

For Ruby, relationships and a support network are essential to resilience. She notes that it is harder to remain resilient without support around us. “When people have a supportive environment, we see that it’s easier to bounce back after setbacks. Resilience is not just something you find within yourself. It is the connection with others, the feeling that you are not alone, that makes you able to move on. Our nervous system needs it to feel safe, and relationships help with that.” Ruby explains how this form of support, also called co-regulation, begins as early as birth. “As babies, we are reassured by our mother’s closeness. And as adults, it still works that way. Another person can help calm our nervous system, and that gives us a sense of security in moments where sometimes we just can’t find or create that ourselves.”

Relationships and patterns from our childhood

Ruby’s work with clients often focuses on (re)recognizing how patterns can be traced back to experiences in our early relationships. She sees how first impressions from our parents and environment leave deep marks that we unconsciously carry with us throughout our lives. “Children learn a lot by observing,” she explains. “They watch how adults handle emotions, conflict and recovery. Those early lessons often stay with us implicitly and unconsciously, shaping the way we deal with others and ourselves later.” She explains how she helps clients recognize and, where necessary, heal those patterns. “Many people want to and can react or feel differently in the here and now, but often those behaviors have deep roots created by early experiences. Exploring those patterns together in their current context creates space to change them step by step.”

A safe place to be yourself

Ruby stresses the importance of a safe environment, both for her clients and for her own well-being. “It’s so valuable to have people around you with whom you can be completely yourself. That gives you the peace and freedom to grow,” she says. She says a good relationship is not about the amount of people around you, but the depth and sincerity of the bonds you have. “Some people need a lot of people around them, while others have enough with a few intimate relationships. It’s about that connection being real and feeling safe.” At Oh My Mood, we create a place where this vision becomes a reality. A place where connection and support are central, and where clients are given the space to discover themselves.